Monday, June 17, 2013

Supermarket Sweep

I'd like to tell you a story.  A story about how I just about went to jail yesterday.

Husband and I went to an unnamed retailer (because getting sued seems like a bad way to finish this post) that rhymes with ball-mart, to pick up some household items and other odds and ends.  We walked up to a normal line, one or two people ahead of us, and put down one of those little separator bars so we could separate our orders from that of other people.

I was busily putting items onto the conveyor belt, and the woman in line in front of us, who had been so busy sucking the tongue out of her boyfriend's face to move so I could even get the separator bar, begins picking up our stuff and looking at it.

Let me repeat that.

This skinny blonde bitch begins SHOPPING OUR ITEMS.  ON THE CONVEYOR BELT.




Apparently, this is a new shopping aisle.  Let's call it the "Whatever other people have already picked up to buy because who gives a shit" aisle.

Anyone who knows how supremely fussy I can be can imagine what happened next.  Of course, I snapped like a professional wrestler's femur. 

I got Husband's attention, loudly so she could hear (frankly, so everyone in line could hear), and he tried telling me it was no big deal.  He then immediately realized his mistake when he saw the fires of war burning in my eyes.  Something had to be done, or one of us was going to the hospital and the other one was going to go to jail, and he knew the other guy wasn't going to need bail money.

It was about this time that this waifish little thing who I could have broken over my knee like a twig realized that Mike was physically restraining me.  Was there any sheepish apology?  Nope.  She just flounced off, leaving her poor, uncomfortable boyfriend to pay for her items.

Who the hell does that?  Who shops someone else's items when they're already on the conveyor belt without a word?  Who has the audacity, the utter gall to think they are above the simplest etiquette, or hell, the lack of intelligence?  Because that's 99% common sense.  Even four year olds know not to touch other people's items.

Note that nowhere does it say that strangers should be touching your shit.  Ever.

I was fuming as Husband ushered me out of the store.  Is this a thing now?  Can I feel free to shop other people's stuff?

What really kills me is all of this could have been avoided if she had simply come to me and said, "Hey, I've never seen that (product in question) before.  Can I look at it?"

And guess what?  I'd have said yes.  I'd have even told her how I liked it.  But then I wouldn't have a blog post.